All rights go to the Mouse Avenger from fanfiction.
(Scene: Fidget [from "The Great Mouse Detective"] comes up on a stage, in front of an audience)
(waves "hello") Hey, there.
(looks around) Is he gone? OK, that's good.
My name's Fidget, & I just want to say that I didn't always have this peg-leg, or a broken wing. I also want to say that I didn't always work for Ratigan. My story is a very touching one, & you'll really want to pay attention.
(inhales deeply) OK, here goes nothing. (clears throat)
I was born in London in 1882. My mother was a prostitute. One day, she, um . . . "did things" with a guy. Then she got pregnant, & had me. My mom loved me a whole lot, but she couldn't keep me. So she put me up for adoption.
I lived in the orphanage until I was 3 years old. Then, a guy named Matthew Lowell came up, & adopted me. Then he sent me to work in a factory with other kids just like me.
And it was NOT a pretty sight, let me tell you. We were supervised by mean, nasty overseers, & we all had to work from 5:00 AM to 12:00 PM. We starved to death, because we didn't like the icky gruel that the grownups gave us. We didn't have air conditioning in the factory, so when it was too hot, we sweated like pigs, or when it was too cold, we froze into rodent popsicles! When we got too tired to work, the grownups would whip us with really sharp scourges, & that would give us scars & cuts. And that really hurt! Sometimes, the kids would get hurt while working. For example, they could cut themselves really bad, put their eyes out with tools, or get their limbs cut off. In fact, that's what happened to me.
Yeah, you heard me right. That's how I got my peg-leg.
My job at the factory was to cut wood. There was a giant saw-blade that would cut the wood. One day, I was cutting some really tough oak wood, when suddenly, the saw-blade broke off its stand, & fell towards me. I tried to get away, but I was too slow for the blade. By then, it was too late. The saw-blade sliced off my right leg from the knee down. I started bleeding really bad, & I was crying really loud. The whole factory heard me! I tried to stop the bleeding, but Matthew Lowell came, & took me to the doctor. The doctor looked at my sliced-off leg, & he told me I had to get a peg-leg to help me walk. I was scared that the other kids would make fun of me, but if I didn't use the peg-leg, I would die of an infection. So I said, "OK". The doctor got a barrel-stopper, & he stuck it on what was left of my right leg. And that's how I got my peg-leg. I was only 7 years old.
Not too long after I got my new leg, the factory was closed down, because Matthew Lowell was breaking child labor laws. So the kids were all free. I had nowhere to go, so I took up a life on the streets. I was lost, alone, & scared. I had to steal from stores or marketplaces to get food when I was hungry. If I couldn't steal my own food, I'd eat out of garbage cans. For 5 long years, I didn't have any clothes to wear, or toys to play with, or a nice, warm house to live in.
Not until I met HIM.
One day, I was walking on the streets, begging for money. Suddenly, a gang of street thugs came up to me. I tried to run away, but they kept up with me. The street thugs cornered me in an alleyway, & were just about to kill me, when I heard a gun fire off. The thugs got scared, & ran away. I was about to go, but then I couldn't move. I was too shocked by what I was seeing. Right before my very eyes, there was a rat.
A big rat, who was wearing a black suit, a red opera cape, a top hat, a purple-&-orange necktie, white gloves, & a few other stuff I couldn't recognize. He was smoking a cigarette, & he was holding a fancy cane. He twirled it as he grinned broadly at me. He had what they called a 5 o'clock shadow, & glowing golden eyes. He looked about 14 years old.
I was too scared to move. The rat came toward me, & handed me a piece of paper. It said:
Professor Ratigan
415 Currant Lane
Wine Cellar Next To Rat Trap Saloon
I didn't know who this Professor Ratigan guy was, but I could tell he really wanted me to come see him. So I went off.
On my way to Ratigan's house, I took a shortcut through the park. While I was in the park, I saw two mice sitting on a park bench. One of them was a male; he was wearing mouse detective clothes. The other mouse was a girl; she had red dreadlocks, & dark-colored fur. She wore a pretty dress, & she had an amulet around her neck. The girl looked like a Gypsy.
Gypsy mice have always been poking fun at bats in their stupid ghost stories. Well, I thought it would be a good idea to scare her, & see how she liked that! And I did. I walked up to the girl on the bench. I saw that she was sleeping. Good.
I walked up to the girl, just as she was waking up. And then I put on the scariest face I ever made! When that girl woke up, she saw me baring my fangs, growling, squinting my eyes, & making a freaky face! That girl started to scream her head off once she saw me!
The guy she was with was about to wake up. But I flew away as fast as I could, & I escaped in time. I later found out that the girl was a Gypsy entertainer named Esperanza.
About an hour later, I finally arrived at a seaside port. I landed on the docks, got out my piece of paper, & looked at it.
Professor Ratigan
415 Currant Lane
Wine Cellar Next To Rat Trap Saloon
Rat Trap? Where was that?
I started to look around, when I saw a building on the docks. I walked to the building, & I saw a sign that said, "The Rat Trap".
That was the place. I went inside, & I saw that the saloon was really bad. Showgirls in skimpy costumes were singing on stage in front of lustful men. Everyone was playing poker, gambling, drinking alcohol, & smoking. Plus, the place was pretty packed. I had to push my way through the crowd just to get to the counter. I found the bartender, & went over to him. I gave him the paper, & asked him where I could find a guy named Ratigan. He told me there was a trapdoor leading to a secret passageway. I went into the trapdoor, & went through a long maze of sewer pipes.
Then, I finally reached the sewer lair. It was very big. It had cobblestone floors, giant barrel-buildings, a cathedral, little flats, & a really, really BIG building going up to the Human World! That was one BIG sewer!
I heard some cheering & talking inside one of the barrel-buildings. I followed the noise, & went inside.
Inside the barrel-building, I saw lots of mice (& a lizard!). They were crowded around a large rat, who was wearing the stuff I saw earlier (except the top hat & cane). That was probably Professor Ratigan. I walked up to him.
I saw that Professor Ratigan & his thugs were planning a very big crime. Ratigan was going to call it "The Big Ben Caper". I walked up to Ratigan. He turned around. I gave Ratigan the piece of paper he gave me earlier, & he looked at it. He told me that I could get a job working for him. I was so excited, because I would finally get all I ever wanted! But my life would also be turned to a life of evil . . .
For 3 years, I worked for Ratigan. We committed crimes together, spent time together, & became the best of friends. Some of the crimes we'd do were very dangerous. You could get hurt if you did this kind of crime.
In fact, that's how I got my broken wing.
One day, when Ratigan was 15, & I was 13, Ratigan gave me an assignment. I had to go get some toys for the thugs' children to play with. But on my way to the toy shop, the street thugs came back, & tried to kill me again. I fought them off, & they left me alone, but in the struggle, I bent my wing, & my wing became broken. After that, I couldn't fly for 2 years, until my wing completely healed.
Two years passed. Ratigan was now 17 years old, & I was 15. The year was 1897. Queen Mousetoria's Diamond Jubilee was about to come. Ratigan was celebrating his 17th birthday, & his biggest birthday wish was to become king of all mousedom. He was always talking about building a robot that would replace the real Queen Mousetoria. I didn't know what he was gonna do, but Ratigan told me to go to Walnut Avenue. He told me to kidnap a guy named Hiram Flaversham. He was a famous toymaker/inventor, & Ratigan wanted him to make the robot. After I got my instructions, I went off to Flaversham's Toy Shop.
When I got there, I peeked through the store window. There, I saw Hiram Flaversham sitting at his worktable. There was a little girl with him. She looked very pretty. I could tell she was celebrating her birthday, just like Ratigan. Anyway, I went to the door, & jiggled the handle. Hiram got the girl, & hid her in a cupboard. Then I ran back to the window, & poked my head in, making a really scary face. Hiram tried to fight me, but I got him, & took him away. But when I was walking out the door, Hiram cried out, "Olivia!" I could tell that was the girl I saw with him.
Later, when I got to the hideout, I took Hiram to a prison-barrel, & locked him in. Then Ratigan came in, & he told Hiram all about his plan to become king of all mousedom. Ratigan gave Hiram some diagrams, drawings of Queen Mousetoria, a robot-controlling podium, oil, & a few other things. Hiram didn't wanna do it, but Ratigan forced him to do it anyway. So Hiram got started on the robot, & Ratigan told me about some things I had to get at a human toy store. Then I took a nap.
Later, I woke up from my nap when Ratigan screamed my name. I was so freaked out, I fell down on the floor. Ratigan gave me the list. I looked at it, & Ratigan told me to get going. So I went off to the toy store.
While I was at the toy store, I had to get tools (for Hiram to make the robot), gears (for the robot), a girl (so Hiram would work on the robot), & uniforms (Ratigan's thugs would disguise themselves as the Queen's guards). When I got all the things, I checked them off (except "girl", 'cause I didn't get the girl yet). Then I heard a howling outside. I looked out the window, & saw a giant dog with three mice on him. I got the things, put them in a bag, & flew off to hide. But I didn't know that I just dropped my shopping list.
Later, I saw that the three mice were Basil Of Baker Street, a chubby mouse, & a little girl. That girl was Olivia! The girl Ratigan wanted me to get! I flew back down from my hiding place, put on a baby's bonnet, & hid in a toy cradle. But before I hid, I turned on all the toys in the shop. That way, Basil would get sidetracked, & he wouldn't see me kidnap Olivia.
Then I turned on a bubble-blowing toy. Olivia saw the bubbles, & got excited, so she wandered off from Basil & the chubby mouse. Then she followed the bubbles' path to the cradle I was hiding in. She went over to it, then pulled back the baby blanket. I jumped up, & scared her. She screamed really loud, & Basil & his friend heard her. I stuffed Olivia in my bag, then ran off. Basil & his friend tried to chase me, but I got away from them. Then I went back to the hideout.
When I got back to the hideout, I took Olivia out of my bag. Then I grabbed her, & took her to Hiram, who was still working on the robot. Olivia saw her dad, & she wanted to hug him, but I stopped her. So Olivia stepped on my left foot (my good one) really hard. That hurt!
After Olivia & her dad had a reunion, I took Olivia, & stuffed her in an old bottle. That way, she wouldn't escape, & Hiram would get the robot finished.
Later, Ratigan looked at all the stuff in my bag. I told him I got everything on my list, but when I reached for it, I saw that it wasn't with me! I lost my shopping list! I told Ratigan what happened back at the toy store. Then Ratigan got really mad!
Ratigan never liked Basil, for two reasons: 1. he stole his girlfriend; 2. according to Ratigan's criminal tutor, Basil killed Ratigan's parents (of course, that was a lie). Ratigan & Basil had been at each other's throats for 3 long years, but it seemed like an eternity.
He even got a heart attack when he found out who was coming after us! Then he calmed down, & rang a tiny bell that he used to summon his really big, & very fat, cat, named Felicia. Felicia came, & put me in her mouth to eat me. I tried to keep myself from getting swallowed.
When Ratigan thought about what to do, he told Felicia to spit me out. Then Ratigan, the thugs, & I talked about how we'd catch Basil.
A few hours later, Ratigan told me to go to the Rat Trap Saloon, & watch for Basil, so I could lead him to the hideout. I went out, & thought I'd get a mug of Rodent's Delight, while I was at it.
When I got to the Rat Trap, I saw Basil & the chubby mouse sitting at a table. Basil was dressed like a sea captain, & the chubby mouse was dressed like a pirate (later, I found out that the chubby mouse's name was Dawson). To make a long story short, there was dancing, singing, & a big fight in the saloon. I went back out the trapdoor, & Basil & Dawson followed me to the hideout.
When I got back to the hideout, I got Olivia out of the bottle for a second. I pretended to be Olivia, & when Dawson & Basil came in & found the bottle, they realized that Ratigan had tricked them!
Later on, the thugs & I put them in a giant mousetrap. Ratigan made a big machine to kill Basil. It worked like this . . .
A record would play a song, & as the record player's tonearm moved during the playing, it would tug at a string. The string would pull a cup-&-ball toy with a marble inside. When the song on the record ended, the cup would tip over, & spill the marble out. The marble would go down a miniature slide, & when it got to the end of the slide, it would jump onto the mousetrap's trigger. Then, when the trigger was pushed down, the mousetrap's spring would snap onto Basil & Dawson, cutting off their heads. SNAP!
Then, when the mousetrap spring would snap down, the metal snapper would tug at a string that held a gun's trigger in place. When the string would be pulled, it would also pull the gun's trigger. When the trigger was fully pulled, it would shoot Basil & Dawson. BOOM!
When the gun's bullets shot out, a cork would pop out of the gun's bullet-launcher; the cork would fall out, & pull at a crossbow. The crossbow would shoot its arrow, & the arrow would plunge through Basil & Dawson. TWANG!
Then, a giant axe would fall off a barrel, & fall down onto the mousetrap, where it would chop Basil & Dawson in half. THUNK!
And, then, when the axe chopped Basil & Dawson in half, a really BIG anvil would fall down from the ceiling, & crush what would be left of Basil & Dawson to pieces. SPLAT!!
And, then, well, you can guess what would happen . . .
Ratigan started the record, then got everything ready. I had to pedal Ratigan's giant dirigible (it worked on "pedal-power"). We got the now-completed Mousetoria robot, & Hiram, into the dirigble, & flew off to BuckinghamPalace (I left Olivia in the bottle).
About 15 minutes later, we were finally at BuckinghamPalace. Ratigan's thugs & I went into Queen Mousetoria's room, where she was getting ready for the celebration. The thugs & I dragged in the giant robot, which was convienently hidden inside a giant pink-&-white gift box.
Mousetoria was delighted to see that she had gotten a present. She opened it, & saw the robot. She thought THAT was her gift! What a moron! (chuckles)
Just then, the robot began to move, & chased Mousetoria all around her room! Finally, the thugs caught her. Hiram was working the robot in a nearby room, & Ratigan was in the doorway. He rang the bell, & the thugs & I dragged her away. She put up one heck of a fuss! She was kicking & screaming, & calling us "Traitors!" Then I took her in my left wing (my good one), & took her down the hallway to the balcony, where Felicia was waiting down below. She was gonna eat the Queen up! (And back then, I didn't give a darn about other people, so I enjoyed what I was doing.)
When I was about to drop Mousetoria in Felicia's mouth, Basil, Dawson, & Olivia came back, & took the Queen right out of my wings! When the four mice rushed back into the Palace, I had tripped & fallen in shock. Felicia was nipping at me, trying to gobble ME up! I tried to get her away, but luckily, Toby (Sherlock Holmes' dog, & Basil's "canine steed") came & chased Felicia away. So I was saved!
Later, I followed Basil, Olivia, Dawson, & Queen Mousetoria into an area behind the stage where Ratigan would announce his new job as Queen Mousetoria's "royal consort", make some really harsh rules, & then become king.
Backstage, Hiram was working the Mousetoria robot, reading from cue cards. Basil, Olivia, Dawson, & Queen Mousetoria found me & the thugs backstage. Then a big scuffle ensued. Hiram went over to Olivia, & gave her big hugs & kisses; Basil took Hiram's place at the robot-controlling podium, & controlled the Mousetoria robot; Dawson tied up all the thugs, so they couldn't do anything; Queen Mousetoria tied me up, too . . . in a great big knot!
Just then, Basil cried out, "Arrest that fiend!" I heard a ruckus going on onstage! Lots of rodents were yelling, & fighting Ratigan & the other thugs! I looked around, & saw that the Mousetoria robot was in pieces on the floor! The plan was ruined!
Uh-oh! Now we were REALLY in trouble! Just then, I saw Olivia peeking out from behind the curtains. Now was my chance to please Ratigan, & not goof up, for once! Without wasting a second, I grabbed Olivia, & walked up to a balcony in the throne room.
Down below, the fight was coming to its climax. I saw Ratigan on the stage, trying to fight off Basil, Hiram, Dawson, & Queen Mousetoria, plus two other guys. I whistled really loud, & dangled Olivia high up in the air. I shouted, "The girl! The girl!"
Ratigan got up to the balcony, & grabbed Olivia from me. I ran off the balcony, & into the hallway, down some stairs, & outside, where I got back onto the pedaling device of the dirigible. Ratigan took Olivia, & put her in the dirigible. Ratigan went to the steering wheel, & we quickly flew off.
Later, we were flying over the city, & Olivia was NOT happy. Just then, out of nowhere, up floated a BIG hot-air balloon, made out of the Union Jack (the British flag), rainbow balloons, & a matchbox. And guess who was flying it? Basil, Hiram, & Dawson!
Before I could even think, Ratigan turned the airship around, & I pedaled faster & faster so we could escape.
But we didn't. In only a few minutes, Basil, Dawson, & Hiram had caught up with us again.
Just then, I got tired. I couldn't pedal anymore. I jumped into the airship's cab, wheezing. I told Ratigan, "We have to lighten the load." I meant that we could push Olivia out of the balloon, & she could fall all the way down to the ground, & then she'd die.
Ratigan said, "Oh, you want to lighten the load?" Then he grabbed me by the ears, & said, "Excellent idea!"
Then he threw me out of the airship. I flapped my wings in the air, but my right wing was still broken, & it wasn't healed yet. I shouted, "I can't fly! I can't fly!" Then I felt myself falling down, down, down . . . with a splash into the ThamesRiver.
I went under the water, & felt myself sinking. I thought I was going to drown.
But then I realized that even though I couldn't fly, I could swim!
I pedaled my wings around & around, & I felt myself swimming up, up, up . . . to the surface!
I swam out of the water, emerged from the surface, resurfaced, & took in some fresh air.
But I didn't hear the airship squeaking across the sky, or Ratigan, Hiram, Basil, Olivia, or Dawson talking. The only thing I did hear . . . was thunder & lightning.
I knew it was dangerous to be out in a rainstorm, so I tried to find a way to get to shelter. I spotted a piece of floating driftwood, & grabbed onto it. Then I kicked with my peg-leg & my only foot, & swam towards the east bank of the river.
It all happened at 9:54 PM . . .
About 6 minutes later, at 10:00 PM, I heard a blood-curdling scream echo in the night sky.
I looked up, & saw Ratigan falling into the west bank of the Thames . . . the shallow side.
Then, I saw him plunge into the water, & resurface a minute later.
He shook himself dry, & slumped down onto the cobblestones that lined the shallow side.
He didn't move.
Without wasting a moment, I kicked & stroked & swam toward the west bank, where Ratigan was . . .
Then I got to the other bank. I stopped kicking, & hopped onto the bank.
There, I saw Ratigan. Alive. He was breathing very faintly . . . & he was crying.
I don't know why Ratigan would ever cry, but tonight, he did.
I asked him what was wrong, but he didn't say anything. He just stopped crying, grabbed me by the wing, & took me back to the hideout . . .
"GET OUT!!!!" Ratigan screamed at the top of his voice once we got to the hideout.
All the thugs freaked out, & they ran away. They were outta here!
But now what were we gonna do, now that everybody was gone?
Almost as if he could read my thoughts, Ratigan grinned slyly at me, & said, "Well, Fidget, it's time to reform!"
Reform? How could I do that after 3 years of working for the most evil guy in history?
Well, if Ratigan was behind the plans, anything was possible.
Ratigan & I then got started on Operation: Reformation . . .
And it worked! Ratigan & I are now living with our former enemy Basil, & his Baker Street Family!
See what you can do when you just put your mind to it?
I did, & I never felt better!
And that, ladies & gentlemice, is my life story!